The 'truth' has a way of punching me in the face - sometimes it takes the air out of my lungs. I know (& it really hurts, it terrifies me) that every single day, for the rest of my life, I have the opportunity to make positive choices regarding my mental health. No matter how impossible it might seem. I have this disease - it eats away at my brain, until I'm in this deep, black void. Often, it feels like I only have a handful of options, & my mind can't see anything else, for the darkness.
Sometimes I don't feel like I'm in the void at all anymore. Then, I have a string of bad chemical days, & I'm sucked back in. It doesn't help when there's other things stressing me, that I can't control. There's something inexplicably comforting about the darkness. I switch off. I let my mind overflow.